the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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