he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
