i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
