So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
