Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
