i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
