Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize