I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
