I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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