Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
