Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
