Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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