that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
