he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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