if you like me you must not know who I am
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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