When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
