I think my vagina is haunted
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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