Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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