why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
