dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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