That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
