he told me I talked like a deaf person
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
