her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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