ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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