Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
