i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
