I am full of burrito and curiosity
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
