i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
