I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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