We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So many bounce houses so little time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
