Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
