I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
