My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize