Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
