I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
