I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
