Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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