You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
