idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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