i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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