she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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