So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
time to smoke my breakfast
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
