yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
