I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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