I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
