I love black thongs
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
