i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
