Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
