is your mom at the bar?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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