i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Randomize
