I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
