She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
