Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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