i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
