she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
