If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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