its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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