We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Vodka?
Forever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
