At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
