I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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