the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
