Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
