the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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