'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
