it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
