We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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