Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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